So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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