You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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