Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
