Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
