mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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