If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
