Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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