can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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