Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
