I must be too annoying 4 u.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
