btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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