two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
