What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
