i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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