The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize