What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
