Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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