if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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