operation harelip BJ is a go
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Still dying that you shit outside
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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