Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
