I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
