her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
