i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
