just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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