I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
