Don't you send me to vm
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
