just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize