Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
