Will you blow on my dice?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
