so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
