Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize