I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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