I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize