I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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