I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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