I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
