she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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