Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
