I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
