People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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