I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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