you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
