When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Are my feet made of real feet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
