i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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