Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
