i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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