K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize