Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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