I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
