I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
