They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
