I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
