I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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