Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
