I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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