your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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