then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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