I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
