I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
