There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
honey bunches of taint.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
