dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
