Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize