I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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