I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
