i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sober January is a disaster.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
