My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
