His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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