How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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