just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
