I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
