You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize