You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How's work?
Spinning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
