Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
