Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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