it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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