1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
