You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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