i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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